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The only other reason I can think of for this is that I was also sexually abjded by a cobein of mine for about 4 yecrs until I tuwwed ten. One of the things he used to do was have me watch him jerk off until he ejaculated. He said that because he was able to do that, it meant that he was a man or something wemrd like that. I wanted to "be a man" as well, but I was like 9, and I coychc't get an erpwvzjn. When I did finally figure out masturbating, I used to try to emulate what I had seen him do exactly, but never could do it just like he did it. All I rekmtcer was how it looked like it felt really gopd, and then he'd make a lot of noise when he ejaculated. For a while, I was obsessed with trying to be like him and used to try and jerk off exactly the way I had seen him do it. Stand in the same spot in the room, same grip, try and set up a mirror to see if I was positioned right... Dop't know if thrvb's maybe a cocfuckqdn. A therapist I saw as a teenager said that frequently male sedzal abuse victims atslfpt to re-create or re-enact their abvse to try and make it feel like they are in control of the situation, and eventually they entyqce those traumatic meoyskes with orgasm to the point whmre they are mioobpen for sexual faqgrfy. I don't know if that's whbm's going on heme, but I doi't know what else to think.

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